The Wisdom of Change
Have you ever noticed that the more you detest change, the more the need for change appears in your life? Let me prove my point. While it appeared outwardly that I was very accepting of and desired divergent experiences, I always disliked change and an upheaval of my “comfort zone.” I preferred the safe and secure. Then, I was introduced to the adage, “What you resist persists.”
What did that statement actually mean? I can compare it to a personal experience. I don’t know if this has ever happened to you, but when I turn on my computer, a box appears telling me that it is time to download the newest version of a computer program. I always click the box that says, “Remind me later,” instead of “Install now.” And guess what it does? The “remind me later” admonition keeps popping up to remind me to install the new program. And guess what I do? I keep clicking, “Remind me later,” and the saga continues.
One morning I realized that sometimes I keep putting off inevitable change that beckons at my door. If I would only “install now” or proceed with any necessary change needed in the moment, life would be easier. In other words, there is no “remind me later, “ when it comes to uncomfortable change in our life. Change is supposed to invoke some discomfort. Ironically, it is in the discomfort that clarity is found.
If the sheer word, image, or feeling of needing to make some change, whether personal or organizational, keeps appearing in your life, it is a sure sign that either you need to be proactive and make a change or inevitable change will happen to you and it may not be to your liking. Learning to be proactive is empowering, while being passive and doing nothing or deciding to wait, will cause a loss in your self-esteem.
I definitely understand this change process. I have watched how I have changed over the years. I have watched how I have softened. The losses and disappointments and the peak and valleys in my life slowly etched away my natural inclination to invite the new or different. I had a tendency to change my external relationships and circumstances to meet my standards and expectations. I realize that the only person that I could and needed to change was ME. I have learned the necessity for flexibility and compromise.
In the early 1990’s I lamented over a few losses that I incurred. I ended a relationship, lost a job, buried a beloved pet, had surgery and made a life changing decision to be a caregiver for my terminally-ill mother. I was in a terrible quandary. I had no idea of the massive amounts of change that I would subsequently encounter.
As fate would have it, I came across an article, “Good Luck, Bad Luck” written by Linda Weltner. The author emphasized that “the worst situations can usher in the most wonderful opportunities.” She pointed to the concept of “happenstance” or the belief that “chance” events can have both positive or negative consequences. It all depends on our interpretation of the event.
I interpret change as a combination of synchronicity and unconscious desire. Our external conflicts are mirroring what we feel on the inside but what we want to do on the outside. Who knows what waits for us when we break down our internal barriers and move through our fears?
We can only be comfortable wearing our own shoes. In the midst of confusion and conflict, it is easier to leave our ego at the door and hear the underlying message about our need to change; otherwise, inevitably, the experience, person, conflict, or circumstance will appear again and again in our life. Remember, what we resist persists! These changes are the keys to our future. Even minor change can light the path to our journey and ultimately to our life destination.
There is a time in everyone’s life where we need to stand up for what we believe. We have to stand up for what makes us an individual with unique skills, abilities, interests, and passions. When we attempt to measure our individuality and success against someone else, we fail. In fact, the second that we follow this path, we fail. We fail to exhibit our natural-born talents. We fail to wear our own shoes toward happiness and fulfillment. In other words, we fail.
When we embrace our uniqueness, we now begin to welcome the changes that want to move us forward toward our destiny or life purpose. I end with the words of Linda Weltner. She writes,
This is a bad time for the country economically. The cutbacks,
the layoffs, the political and economic dislocations, are bound to be
reflected in all our lives one way or another. Jobs are on the line
everywhere; positions we once thought secure have suddenly become
vulnerable…there’s a sadness in being wrenched from familiar routines,
and the clutch of uncertainty too, but in all this shifting and grinding
of gears, there’s always that faraway glint of promise.”
By the way, this article was published in 1990. The pendulum eventually swung back from loss only to ignite the creation of significant jobs across a multi-technological arena. Today, we face the same hurdles. The pendulum will swing back again only to create highly creative, innovative, and emerging industries. The current paradigm shifts in economical, community, and global systems are and will continue to be the result of change.
So, what change beckons you? What part of your personality do you need to change? What area of your life could benefit from relevant change? How can you give voice to a new change?
Bottom line – Embrace change and your unique personality that begs for expression. Instead of following the crowd, use your innovative skills to promote understanding, acceptance, and even anticipation of…change!
Until next time,
Dr. Lorraine
Coach & Consultant
© June, 2009
